Here’s a play-by-play of my thoughts this morning:
1. It’s really warm in this one spot in my bed. I don’t think I need to move. Ever. Isn’t the upstairs supposed to be warmer than the downstairs? Where’s my fluffy little space heater (also known as my dog)?
2. Wait, why is Peanut on his bed on the floor? He hasn’t touched the thing since he started sleeping in the real bed several months ago.
3. Oh, there’s vomit on the floor. Lots of vomit.
4. There’s vomit downstairs, too. Lots of it. [Pat on the head for Peanut, poor guy.]
5. I’ll make some coffee while cleaning up the floors. It’s fun to have a real coffee-maker for the first time. I can just press “brew” and wait for deliciousness, all while kicking my Coke-Zero-on-the-way-to-work habit. Life is still good. Love this weather, love the smell of coffee, don’t care about the vomit.
6. And now there’s a giant puddle of coffee on my counter. Not sure what went wrong there. It seems that the coffee-maker and I need to get to know each other better before I can move into caffeinated bliss.
7. I think I can salvage this. There’s about half a cup of coffee that made it into the carafe. [Pouring action.] And I have heavy cream in the fridge. I’ll never finish that if I don’t use it now. I bet it’ll make this the most delicious half cup of coffee I’ve ever had on the way to work. Calories make everything better.
8. Nope, just tastes like butter with a hint of coffee. Oops.
And that, my friends, is why I will always wear my hair in some form of a ponytail to work, even if I wake up 30 minutes earlier than usual. There’s really no point in trying to do anything else with it. There’s always something more important to do than find 5 minutes to fix my hair.
That’s also why I’ll be putting a real blanket on my bed tonight, why my dog will get an extra pat on the head when I get home, and why my house smells like burned coffee. I might be forced to read an instruction manual tonight. It’s a sad, sad world in which instruction manuals are necessary. At least my house smells like slightly burned coffee instead of other things that were dealt with this morning. It could be a lot worse.